Be Still My Heart: CHIEF <3


There is this man, let me tell you of him
His presence will grip you, be it, elated or grim
He will pull you close, like gravity, pure physics
His outlook on the world is truly intrinsic

He is holding a chip, heavy upon his shoulder
The monkey on his back brings him down like a boulder
His angst is typical, his addiction so simple
He wants to change the world, loves deeply his sister

He is blossoming right now, like an unfolding fern
Soaking up life lessons, harnessing like CERN
He will bless us all with the energy he’s been absorbing
A nuclear presence with a shock wave of healing

I hope this day comes before I am gone
If it doesn’t, then, at least, he has this poem
Chief Bushnell, My dear friend Jon
It doesn’t matter your name, or what continent you live on

You hold the key, inside of your soul
To reach humanity, You need to know
Your heart is deep, your brain it floats
You are one in a billion, of inherent souls

So follow your heart & mind your head
Know that you already, granted my wish
You are the feather that flew into my life
An angel who gifted me, with pure love & joy

I miss this beautiful creature so much! I am elated he has begun Vlogging so I can catch up with him daily even though he is across the pond. Thank heavens we live in the future and are granted such privileges! If you need a videographer, video editor, a magical voice, or  pure uninhibited inspiration: look no further! ❤
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My sister, Emme, is so beautiful!

Emme Stay

This picture reminds me of us singing Stay at the top of our lungs!

We both always wanted to play the bad sister. We used to take turns while singing this song to each other when we were younger. Soon after, we learned that art truly does mimic life and vice versa.
We also learned that history might not repeat itself, but it sure does echo and rhyme its truth.
I am so grateful you stayed! I wouldn’t be who I am today if you hadn’t pulled through.
I also couldn’t have pulled myself through everything that came after your survival- without YOU!  

Thank you for being my sister! Thank you for being so miraculous! ❤

Hurt worse than withdrawal!


I have loved Phil Collins since before I can remember. My mother told me stories of when I was a child standing up wildly in her car (praying I would sit since there were no car seats then) telling anyone daring to sing along to his music to “keep mum!” That is the polite British way that American brats of two or three years old spout off as, “SHUT UP!” or if an adult today: “Fuck You! This is my Jam!”
No matter my age or origin I still feel ownership over the love I felt and still feel for my idols. I listened to this song mourning David Bowie, and it brought me back to mourning my mother all over again.
I hate my mother for so many reasons and still wish she were here.
I wonder if when she passed on to wherever there might be that she looked back in remorse or if “care” exists in afterlife? It seldom seems to here.

I wonder if she feels guilt on the other side for sticking needles in her arms and all of her children’s hearts? I bet not since there is nothing left here! I am proof of that empty space.

SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO REALLY KNEW ME AT ALL! Still, she left me all alone…

You left US! We begged you so many times while you were alive. Fuck! You left us with addiction and scars that are so deep they are invisible and evade us ever finding a cure for the damage that was done!!!

I fucking hate that I love you so much!

Take a good look at me now- I am left standing here, and you are GONE to let me suffer this world you brought me into alone! It’s what I’ve got to face…

Against all odds, I swear I will make a life for myself with the dust you left my hands grasping after.

I have been trying my best…

LOOK MOM! “NO NEEDLES!” I never once trudged the road you created in your wake.

I love and miss you so fucking much it hurts worse than withdrawals! ❤

Can you see me now? Are you out there?




My momma always dedicated the song- “I just called to say I love you” to me-

Tonight, after a long phone call to her best friend, and memories remembered, I asked her what my mom’s favorite song was, or what song makes her think of my mom… Her answer=


Seriously!?! C’mon now…

Tell me you all get the connections!?!

Love you momma!

Still fucking with me even while you are away…


There is something, this something is everything. It remembers the things I have forgotten. Its forgotten the things I am yet to remember. It loves all that I can possibly hate. It hates all that I can possibly love. It forgives, it resents. Ideas are brewing within this something like a storm. Its thunder is mediocre. Its lightning is revolutionary. It is humble and grandiose! It is who I was and who I am yet to be.

IDEAS– What a dangerous, dangerous thing– Built off of something that can be so beautiful! Something we can all learn from and then turn the page.


Add An Extra Shot Of Dancing Please!

Right after posting my 30 days of Man In The Mirror I saw this amazing young lady on my Facebook timeline. I am now adding an extra shot of dancing in my 30 days of Self-Reflection!

When I was young, I loved to dance! I came up with my own routines and didn’t care what anyone thought. After suffering through years of my older sister’s case of extreme embarrassment, it soon infected my freedom of self-expression and caused a break in my psyche. I used to be the “ham” of the family. I was always auditioning for plays since my dream was to be a pop icon or Hollywood actress. I didn’t realize how badly I was infected with the embarrassment virus until I began rapping. When it came time for me to perform live, I clammed up and gave up on my dreams because of my stage fright. I am still finishing my music, but I do not think I will ever actually perform a song live.

Let’s see if something within me changes after 30 days of watching this epic little creature!!!